Idiot
by Dajypop
Summary: Kakuzu thinks Hidan is an idiot for licking the lid from a can he opened. AU, Lemon, KakuHida Yaoi
1. Instigator

**AN: Alright, still stuck in a KakuHida mood. ; Decided to write this.**

Pairing: KakuHida

AU

Crossdressing!Hidan

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**Part One: Instigator******

"Hidan, you're an idiot." Kakuzu put out with a sigh, shaking his head. Sometimes he wondered why he dated the stupid zealot, but he knew it had something to do with his heart. You couldn't help who your heart fell for, even if you fell for an idiot. And as that comedy guy on TV said, you can't fix stupid; Hidan was more stupid than any idiot his banker had ever met, save for that stupid couple with the blond and the mask-wearing buffoon.

"I am fucking not." Hidan spat in reply, growling a little and pointing the cut lid from his can at his lover's face. He had been, seconds before, licking it clean of the soupy goodness from inside. "Lots of people lick it."

"You'll get cut and won't stop bleeding. Again." _And only I'm allowed to hurt you._ Granted, he knew Hidan would hurt himself, but that didn't please him. He could be very possessive of his masochist, really; he couldn't help it. The priest had become his possession, much like the piles of cash that lay stashed away in his account at the bank he worked at. He would be possessive and fight to the death if either were threatened or compromised.

"I will, too, stop. I've gotten worse cuts than this." Came the snippy reply as the male in question swished his hips a little. Those strange green eyes instantly went to that rump, clad in a tight leather skirt. Kakuzu was sure that his Jashinist wore those revealing, sexy, feminine outfits to get himself treated rougher. He knew what kind of turn-on that was, and he still played on it like nothing else. On top of that, when his lover had come home, the albino had been wearing that spiked training collar they had picked up a few weeks ago. Sure, he had added his damned Jashin symbol to it, but it didn't bother his lover too much. It looked good on that pale neck, digging slightly into the skin, and when he tugged...oh, the moans it forced out, the blood that slipped down his chest...a shudder ran down his spine at the thought.

"Mm...c'mere, idiot." He breathed gruffly into his lover's ear, hands moving to the albino's hips and tugging them back against his own, a soft groan on his lips. That tight ass felt so good.

"Kuzu! Back the fuck off, I'm fucking _eating_, fucker!" Without thinking, the string of curses left his lips and he groaned a little as he ground back against the other. While he wanted to eat, he couldn't deny how good he knew Kakuzu made him feel; all the exquisite pain turned to sublime pleasure and it was all he wanted after only a few seconds. He also knew things about what his lover was packing in his pants that only made it that much better for him.

"You don't seem to mean that..." The sadist hooked a finger under the chain part of the collar and tugged, making his younger lover groan and arch into him.

"D-damn you, fuck-fucker..." He whined, wriggling against him and pushing back nice and hard, wanting more. Hands worked up underneath the leather of the skirt, groping and feeling him over nicely. The Jashinist whimpered and bucked, but it found that Kakuzu's hands and touches were growing lighter. He growled and turned in the other's arms, grinding hard against him, only to find his lover pulling away. "The f-fuck you doing?"

"I think you should eat your dinner." He smiled, "Then we can play." He knew, now, that this was just cruel...but he liked to play with Hidan like this.

"Kuzuuuuuuuuu~!" Until he started whining and bitching like this. "I want you to fuck me, _now_."

"I have some work to do."

"You instigated this, fuckface!" Hidan growled, pinning his lover to the cabinet.

"Well...then meet me in the bedroom once you've cleaned your food up." Kakuzu pulled away and headed to the room, closing and locking the door behind him. Hidan knew he had fifteen minutes to eat, so he ate slow as he could, cursing Kakuzu the entire time.

"Jashin-fucking-damn annoying bastard. Promising me fucking sex and then fucjking denying my fucking ass. Fucking kill him."

Finally, after a long, achingly slow bout of eating, Hidan was at the door, clawing like a cat to get in. Kakuzu unlocked the door a few minutes ago.

"Hidan, it's open." He purred, licking his lips.

Opening the door immediately, the albino's jaw dropped at what he saw inside.****

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**AN: Cliffhangers, oh noes! This will be part one, then part two will be smexy. :3**


	2. Piercing

**AN: Chapter two is here, now! I know I promised a couple of you this chapter last night, but my Kakuzu came and abducted me for a few hours. I'm back and ready to post the next chapter, so here it is.**

Pairing: KakuHida

AU

Smex, piercings

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**Part Two: Piercing**

The sight before him got quite the quick rise out of Hidan. Kakuzu was spread on their bed, naked as the day he came into this world but stitched far more than the start, stroking that thick cock, fingers tugging gently as he passed each and every rung of Jacob's Ladder that was situated in it. Just watching this had the Jashinist's mouth dry as the desert, jaw to the floor. That body, taut and ready for him, seemed to compliment that smirk resting on his lover's face.

"You okay, Hidan?" He purred with sick fascination as he tugged each and every barbel down a little, his length twitching appetizingly. A thick tongue passed over a plump lower lip and, without hesitation, the owner of said appendage was on the bed, nearly tackling his lover and pinning him down with his hips. He ground down harshly, purring happily the entire time.

"Nuh-ah-ahh~" Kakuzu sing-songed, licking his lips and rolling them over, pinning Hidan to the bed, hands above his head.

"Kuzu...the fuck...?" Growled the smaller male, but he hardly had time to think anymore before a sharp barbed wire was cut into his wrists and used to tie him to the head of the bed. His hips shifted a little and he whined as the corset top he was wearing was swiftly yanked undone and dropped unceremoniously to the floor. The skirt was swiftly yanked off and held up a moment.

"This would look better if there was less of it." Came the thickly purred offer, "I'll fix it for you later." That would be fun, too, Hidan knew that. Every time Kakuzu decided to do custom alterations to his clothes, it usually involved knives and the albino still wearing the clothes. That was his favorite part.

Hidan didn't notice that the skirt had been tossed away and something else was brought out until he heard a loud click. He blinked and focused his attention back on his lover, gasping when he saw what was in his hand.

"Is...that a...piercing gu--AHH!-un?" He cried out as Kakuzu's nails dug into his sensitive inner thigh.

"Why yes, Hidan, it is. I got this just for you...so where first?" He questioned, leaning over his lover's body and stroking one nipple to hardness with his nails. He knew the younger male's nipples were so sensitive that just a light touch would have them tingling unbearably. The harder touches had his lover crying out softly, panting hotly. "We could pierce these...I'm sure you'd get a kick out of that..." The gun was brought up and experimentally placed against his sensitive nub, making the masochist squirm. "Mm...or maybe down here?"

A calloused hand was brought down to the skin above the other's belly button, pinching it and getting a soft groan from his lover. "You'd be sexy with a belly button piercing..." Licking his lips, he let his eyes travel a bit lower. "Or your hips, maybe." Those, too, were sensitive, and he scraped his fingers over them hard enough to leave long red marks, making Hidan shudder and push closer. One hand strayed lower, gripping his cock hard. "What about this? They feel Heavenly...when used right." Now, this was just cruel. That hand began to go lower, yet, and Hidan couldn't take much more.

"Just pi--iiick somewhe-EEERE..." His breath hitched and Kakuzu grabbed a piercing from the bag beside them.

"Looks like we'll start with your nipple." Granted, everywhere that he had picked on was going to get one. He even bought an extra couple barbels for the other's neck. Hidan would look sexy all pierced up like that.

"St-start?"

"Yes...we'll pierce, then play, then pierce, then play until you can't handle anymore. We'll do this until the bag is empty." That had Hidan shuddering again and he cried out when the gun was positioned on his nipple.

"Ahh....Jashin, Kuzu..." He murmured, "What's the occasion?"

"Well...Valentine's Day is in two days...I figure we can have it empty by then and I can give you the best present of all."

"Wh-what's that?"

"Having a new piercing tugged." The thought went straight to his groin, making it pulse. It twitched and began to leak onto his belly and into his belly button as the sharp needle grew closer to the sensitized bud. When it stabbed through it, the Jashinist screamed jovially and arched, his bounds cutting into his flesh and making him that much more excited. Not-so-careful fingers situated the piercing in the man's nipple, and he smirked. "Hidan...would you like the other one before we play, or...?"

"Another one...and I'll..." He began, panting hard and violet-pink eyes unseeing, "C-come."

"Mm...closer than I thought, baby..." The last word was said mockingly, and while, usually, Hidan wouldn't take that kind of shit from anyone, let alone his lover, he tended to take insults better when he was delirious from pleasure-pain. He just whimpered pathetically.

"F-fuckin' take...me already, please, Kuzu..." He would also start to beg and plead when he was this close, even if he'd never admit to it. Something startled him, though, and he shivered and winced; Kakuzu's hand fit over his head and played with the white-silver locks, for once let out of their gelled-back state. A purr overcame the smaller man and his mouth dropped open, a very happy look on his face. While he was distracted, Kakuzu shoved in without preparing him, making him yelp and arch painfully into the feeling. They had enough sex that he was stretched enough to accommodate the other without tearing and having to go to the hospital. Each rung of the Ladder slid past that tight ring of muscle, teasing him with a promise to make it hurt and stimulate at the same time.

The thrusts were rough and quick, and Hidan wasn't even given time to adjust; just the way he liked it. He always came faster the times they did it like this; and while he didn't want to come _too_ fast, he certainly didn't mind the prospect of finally getting his rocks off. It had been nearly an hour, by now, and he was ready for some relief.

"OH FUCK, KUZU!" Hidan screamed suddenly, head tossing back as he messed all over his own stomach, coating it in opaque white. As his inner walls tightened even more around his lover, the banker only lasted four or five more thrusts before he buried himself as deep inside of his lover as he could, plastering his insides with his own creamy essence.

Both males collapsed, Kakuzu on top and nearly crushing what little air got into Hidan's lungs out of them. He sat up slowly, still panting, purring a little. The gun had been tossed to the side, but now he picked it up. He grinned at his lover darkly.

"Ready for the next one?" He reached into the bag for the next mystery piece of metal. "Looks like it's your hip's turn."

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AN: Woot. I'm very proud of this...and it sounds like a lot of fun. Now, I don't mind if you tell me a piercing gun can't do all of that, and I know **it's dangerous to do some of the piercings mentioned at home...but it's for the sake of the story, and it's FICTION for a reason. :3**


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